i have prayed and cried and cried and prayed over my relationship with my ex boyfriend to be restored...it's been going on for almost 3 months now. i was so fearful that it wouldn't happen. i couldn't let go and let God.

sunday before going into church, i broke down in tears yet again, unable to even catch my breath. i asked for reconciliation and for God to guide me. "please God! tell me what you want me to do and i'll do anything!"

i cleaned my face up and went into church. while listening to the gospel reading, i kept having these memories of a former friend from a couple of years ago and a dispute we had. i couldn't shake them. i admit that i was not a good friend to her which is why we no longer speak. for a long time, i tried to justify my actions by recalling things she did or said that led me to think she "deserved it" but when it came down to it, it doesn't matter what i thought she deserved....it wasn't my place to give out a punishment. deep down i was ashamed of how i gave into selfishness, and i never apologized.

i guess i always thought that since i was really sorry and God knew it then that was enough, but somehow, for me, it wasn't.

so what was God telling me to do?? ask forgiveness from HER...from the girl i'd hurt. i was terrified to do so, but i knew it would feel better somehow. on my way home i practiced everything i would say...the words just kept coming. as soon as i got home, i sat down and wrote her a long email as i don't have her number anymore and if i called she may not give me a chance to speak. i read and re-read it, then hit that send button. and just as soon as i did, a thousand pounds of weight left my heart right then. she has not responded and that's okay because she knows i am sorry.

since then, people i have not spoken with in years have contacted me and said the most wonderful things, and since asking for that forgiveness my fear of my relationship not being reconciled has gone away. i now have no fear that it will happen! that one thing...that one action kept me from letting my faith completely fill my heart...that one thing was what was keeping me from handing it over to God. once i got rid of that weight, i honestly feel like i opened a window and let the light in. praise GOD for that freedom!!! praise God for that forgiveness!! now, bring on the reconciliation!!!;-)

p.s. i am still praying for it...i know God wants me to, so i hope that you will too!

the photo attached is actually one of my drawings. i thought it was appropriate to share because it reminded me of this situation...all of the fear and worry and bad things leaving my body from simply asking forgiveness. it's called "the breathe".

Prayer request made golden: Tue Nov 25 23:46:52 +0000 2008

1. forgiveness
2. Reconciliation
3. Love
4. blessings